“The Inconstant Gardener.” A five-part hybrid limerick…
I hate prickly lettuce and crabgrass and thistle!
And cockleburs, also! They make my hairs bristle
Like weeds on my neck;
This lawn’s just a wreck!
My gardener must see this–I’ll give him a whistle…
That do-nothing gardener! I promise that this’ll
Be my final warning; it’s grounds for dismissal
To sleep on the job
And let these weeds rob
My lawn of perfection!– Here comes Mr. Bissell…
“Hey, Bissell, the cook disregarded the gristle
And served a bad steak, then he wrote an epistle
That blamed his neglect
On cause and effect:
A tree was infested with ‘hammertoe-mistle’…
“His love in a twist, he found out that a kiss’ll
Send thoughts wild astray like a misguided missile…
But care is required
That’s why he was fired!
I like grass and steak, but I hate weeds and gristle!
“Get rid of this crabgrass, uproot this damn thistle!
These cockleburs? Kill them! It’s their turn to bristle!
Let no weed survive, or this hammerblow-whistle
Will nail you so hard that you’ll beg for dismissal!
As weed killers go
The best is a hoe
(The sprays are too slow)
Be warned, should one grow
And prick my bare foot, I assure you my piss’ll
Rain down on your pet ‘weed’–your Cannabis Bissell !”
© 2014 David E. Miller