No wonder she was so sweet!
At last I’ve discovered the truth
About my late aunt, dear Aunt Ruth
Aunt Ruth convinced me
She always drank tea
In fact, she drank sweet red vermouth
© 2020 David E. Miller
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All posts by lividemerald2013
Confession of a Criminal Chef…
There once was a criminal chef
Who poisoned his pies! Confessed Jeff,
“I warn every guest,
‘My pie’s not the best.’
But some of my diners are deaf…”
© 2020 David E. Miller
If you read Pope on the Dole, you may say to
yourself, “OMG! …. Now that’s the last straw!”
Self-discovery. A three-part limerick…
A peeper whose name was Gene Burton
Kept watch from behind a black curtain
When Pat shed her skirt
Gene’s peepers were hurt
Or were they? For he wasn’t certain!
Gene next chose his neighbor’s dark window
And watched as Kim gave him a skin show
When Kim shed her top
He wished she would stop
Kim’s flat hairy chest made him grin, though!
He then shook his head: “It’s a gag, Gene!
They know I’m not into the fag scene!”
And yet the cops found
Him prowling around
In search of a third naked drag queen!
© 2020 David E. Miller
Tree of Life vs. Eternal Life
Upon falling off the high limb, Mitt’s
Last thought was, “My chances are slim. It’s
Quite likely I’ll die.
Then I’ll ask God why
In Heaven, there are no term limits…”
© 2020 David E. Miller
Dating a Japanese girl: she gobbles down food–but at least she is frugal and shrewd!
“That girl can negotiate–ooh!
An evenin’ ago she ate two
Instead of one meal–
She got a good deal!
I craved what Nagoshi ate, too!”
© 2019 David E. Miller
When the love game is one game too many. A double limerick…
An ice hockey fan broke the ice, “My name’s Pat!”
He hoped he could get the young lady to chat
He’d taken a seat in the row where she sat
And then had moved closer to where she was at
“I’m watching the game!”
“Me, too! What’s your name?”
“I’m Puddin’ Untame!
Puts your name to shame!”
“That’s horse hockey, ma’am! Your reply leaves me flat…”
“And flat out of luck, Pat! Horse hockey..? Puck that!”
© 2019 David E. Miller
Mr. Cowell’s car. A two-part limerick…
“I know the old man! Mr. Cowell will strive
To make it on Sunday. He’d never deprive
The kids at our church
Of lessons. He’ll search
For ways to arrive here by 8:45…”
“That’s not a good plan,” replied Kitty O’Gyve.
“How ‘bout that grease monkey named Lionel Shrive?
His prices are fair.
I’d pay to repair
The Stutz just to see if that Bearcat’ll drive!”
© 2019 David E. Miller
(Note: How many animal references can you find?)
How to get subjects to follow you…
Sir Piedmont was known as the Foot Prince
The people said he had the good sense
To spurn shoes and socks
On all of his walks
Wherever he went, he left footprints!
© 2019 David E. Miller
Fire and water…
The fire walker scolded his daughter
For making the coal bed much hotter.
His daughter replied,
“I know just the thing
For feet that are fried:
A boiling hot spring!
Your feet can cool off in the water!”
© 2019 David E. Miller
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